And the colours of culture rub off
on the church that inhabits it. Recent research of 500 men by Christianity
Today[i]
found the following:
· 30% of church leaders access porn more than once a month
· 42% of Christian men say they have a ‘porn addiction’
· 75% of Christian men say they access porn on a monthly or less regular
basis
· 10% of Christian men say they have paid for sex
· 90% of Christians say the church does not adequately support those who
struggle with pornography use
As ‘50 Shades’ has shown only too
well, we should not forget that women struggle with pornography too. But these
stats are sobering, showing the need to teach on this area, and to do so in
such a manner that encourages folk who struggle to seek the support they need.
I am aware as I write that this may be an issue for those reading it. If so,
please read on. What follows is especially intended to help you realise the
seriousness of this, but only so that you will seek out sympathy and help from
Christ and his church.
Why such interest in pornography?
1) It is easy to access without
anyone knowing, with just one click on a computer or phone. The Independent
reports that pornographic websites are “by far” the most visited on the
internet.[ii]
2) There has been an increase of
cultural bridges to porn, whether through books like ‘50 Shades of Grey’ or
popular series such as ‘Game of Thrones’ or ‘Black Sails,’ which are redefining
the TV genre in a way that is more sexually explicit.
3) The worldview in the west is
increasingly secular and naturalistic. Belief in a God and angels who see
what goes on behind closed doors has waned and been replaced by a relativistic
view of morality that readily defines what is acceptable by what one feels or
desires, as this is assumed to be natural. The biblical picture of
Nebuchadnezzar’s humiliation is instructive here (Dan 4). To reject God is to
become beast-like, losing the dignity and self-control that should mark those
who image him.
Must Christians really steer
clear?
I recall one couple who had
received secular counselling that advised them to watch pornography to
stimulate their sex life. Certainly, some are ready to naively argue it is a
harmless bit of fun.
But…
1) To engage with pornography is
to dishonour God. The first pages of the Bible teach that the
gift of sexual intimacy and nakedness is to be enjoyed within the secure
protection of exclusive heterosexual marriage (Gen 2v24-25, Lev 18v6-19). To
ignore this is to trivialise the gift and dishonour its giver. And strikingly,
humanity’s first rejection of God is immediately followed with shame
accompanying nakedness (Gen 3v7-10). Indeed, from that point, when it is
outside marriage, to gaze on another’s nakedness or expose one’s own to others
is considered shameful (Gen 9v22-23, Is 57v8, Hab 2v15, Nah 3v5). No doubt this
is because it disdains the proper place for such things, but the context of
these verses implies the contemplation of sexual sin.
Jesus grounded his sexual ethics in
the creation account (Matt 19v4-6), and clearly denounced lust (Matt 5v27-30) –
which we might define as a dwelt upon desire for sexual activity with someone
to whom we are not married. In declaring it adulterous Jesus implied it was to
be sexually unfaithful to one’s current spouse, or to the spouse of the person
desired. But as God’s intent is for sexual intimacy and nakedness to be
reserved for marriage, it could be argued that for the unmarried to lust is in
some sense adulterous towards any future spouse, for whom such thoughts should
be kept. Paul goes as far a saying there should not be “any hint of sexual
immorality,” so forbidding not simply sinful sexual acts, but the
contemplation of them. He adds that there should not even be any “obscenity,
foolish talk or course joking” (Eph 5v3-4).
2) To engage with pornography is
to harm others. We are called to act not only in love for God but our
neighbour. Those who use porn inevitably support the porn industry – an
industry today’s children cannot but stumble across with terrible consequences.[iii] And
the consequences of pornography in the wider culture also need consideration.
How it fuels sex trafficking is well documented.[iv]
Pornography breeds a desire for more perverted sexual practices that
individuals may be too ashamed to ask of their partner. And so they seek out
adults and children who they can pay to engage in them. This in turn encourages
traffickers to force more adults and children into prostitution so that they
can gain financially. Prostitutes have commented on how in recent years they
have witnessed a greater interest in more depraved practices, sometimes being
shown pornographic pictures that portray what is desired. Yet traffickers force
those they traffick into pornography too as a means of control and of making
money. Those who watch pornography share some responsibility in all this.
There is harm to be done to normal
relationships too. If one partner struggles with pornography they are likely to
live with this area of their life hidden from their spouse, breeding a
deceptiveness of spirit. And if they are open about it, then it will breed an
immense lack of self worth in the spouse who will feel they have failed
sexually. Pornography also distorts sex from being an act of intimate delight
and selfless giving, to something that is more functional, in which one simply
seeks self-gratification. Not only can this be emotionally damaging to one’s
partner, as it treats them as a means to this end, but they can feel pressured
into doing things they would rather not do in mimicking what has been watched.
Significantly, there is a concern that a whole generation of teenagers are
growing up with such a distorted view of sex. I cannot find the source, but
recently read that the increase of access to pornography has accompanied a rise
in reports of sexual assault and coercion from teenage girls.
3) To engage with pornography is
to harm oneself. We can now see how the use of pornography can be
detrimental for one’s current or future marriage because of how it distorts
one’s view or expectations of sex, breeding dissatisfaction, disharmony and
dishonesty. But we might add too, that images seen can reside in the memory for
decades, causing distress or temptation in later life.
Most serious, however, are the
eternal consequences of pornography. In the context of his teaching on sex, Paul
writes that “no immoral, impure or greedy person…has any inheritance in the
kingdom of God” but rather “because of such things God’s wrath comes on those
who are disobedient” (Eph 5v5-6). Jesus gives the same warning with respect to
lust (Matt 5v27-30). James charts how temptation can lead this way: “Each
person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and
enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when
it is full grown, gives birth to death” (Jam 1v14-15). The point is that our
own innate evil desire for what is contrary to good will entice us. We
are all therefore likely to consider clicking the mouse or downloading an image
at some point. What is important is what we then do. If we let that desire
conceive sin by acting on it, all is not lost. Repentance is always possible.
But we are certainly in danger of that sin growing as we are increasingly drawn
into it. And as it grows and the Christian’s conscience is constantly pricked
in the knowledge they are doing wrong, so they can tend to consider Christ
less, before doubting and then denying him in order to follow their desires. By
this means sin, “when it is full grown, gives birth to death” as the individual
proves themselves faithless and so forfeits God’s grace.
What should I do if struggling
with pornography?
1)
Seek forgiveness: This side
of Christ’s return God readily forgives – again and again and again. And he
forgives fully, meaning a truly fresh start – cleansed and purified.
2)
Seek change: Forgiveness is
a gift to those of faith, but those of faith prove its genuineness by their
deeds. Grace is not cheap. You must repent, turning from pornography. And if
you fall again, turn again, hating the sin. Remind yourself that your old self
has died and a new self is now alive to God. Desire the pleasure of Christ and
the purity of his coming kingdom above all. And get rid of whatever might tempt
you, putting in place what will help you resist.
3)
Seek help: None of this can
be done from ourselves, but only by God’s power. So pray daily for his Holy
Spirit to grant you the strength to do these things.
4)
Seek accountability: God
does not however expect us to manage alone. He has given us other believers in
the church to “spur one-another on to love and good deeds” (Heb 10v24) and
“carry each other’s burdens” (Gal 6v2). Remember that they know what it is to
be tempted too. So tell your church leadership and ask them to pray for you and
help keep you accountable. If pornography is not currently a struggle for you,
be aware that your heart is deceitful and so it could become one. Consider with
those you live with how you might ensure accountability in your computer and
phone usage at home. Think about signing up to ‘Covenant eyes’ software that
helps Christians to be accountable to one-another in their internet use. Tell
those you live with if programs you watch are unhelpful in their content, and agree
what your limits will be.
Whatever else you do, don’t just
let yourself continue dabbling in pornography - for the sake of God, others and
yourself.
[i] https://salternlite.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/christianity-today-publish-stats-on-porn/
[ii]
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/pornography-most-popular-subject-for-internet-searches-internet-becomes-a-haunt-of-the-dirtymac-brigade-1600801.html
[iii] http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2953200/SARAH-VINE-ve-watched-porn-children-looking-internet-terrified.html
[iv] http://humantraffickingsearch.net/wp/the-connection-between-sex-trafficking-and-pornography/
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